Dear leader,

Stop holding your breath until things get better.

The world has been loud lately. And if you're anything like the women I've been sitting with this past month: accomplished, intentional, deeply committed to showing up well, then you've probably been quietly wondering the same thing I have:

How do I stay present when sh*t keeps hitting the fan?

I've been holding that question for myself, and alongside two women whose stories I've been honored to witness through doula support to them.

The first had her baby arrive four weeks earlier than planned via an emergency C-section. Before she felt “ready”. In the weeks that followed, she was navigating a recovery she hadn't chosen, breastfeeding that wasn't going the way she'd imagined, and preparation for her back-to-work transition.

I had to keep reminding her during our eight weeks together that she didn’t feel like herself because she was becoming someone new. And that tender, disorienting, necessary process is not something we can ever think or plan our way through. It asks for our presence.

The second woman had been here before. She had two children and in her third pregnancy. She had a C-section with her first and was able to experience a vaginal birth with her second - a feat that is remarkable in its own right. And yet this time, as she prepared to finalize her transition and as her body moved through an entire week of labor, she kept doubting herself. She let anxiety set it. Anticipating scenarios where she couldn't possibly know the outcome.

What she needed wasn't more information or reassurance that everything would be fine. It was permission to be exactly where she was, in each contraction, with each breath, in each moment. She eventually found her way through and had another successful vaginal birth after cesarean. Not because everything went according to plan, but because she allowed her body to lead with presence.

I've been sitting with both of these women. Their strength, their doubt, their eventual arrival into something they couldn't have forced. Even while I dealt with my own transitions, personally and professionally. While things happened that settled into my chest and stayed there. Even while the outside world is heavy.

Because joy doesn't arrive when chaos ends. It becomes available when you're grounded enough to notice it.

This isn't about bypassing what's hard. It isn't about pretending the world is fine when it isn't, or trying to stay calm when you're carrying a lot.

Calm is a feeling. Presence is a choice.

When you stay present, when you choose to breathe in each moment, you create a small but significant space between what's happening and how you respond to it. That space is where joy can land, even if briefly, alongside grief or uncertainty or exhaustion.

Here's what staying grounded actually looks like.

1. Don't wait until you feel ready to breathe. Make it your first response, not your last resort. Even thirty seconds of intentional breathing before a difficult conversation, a hard contraction, or an overwhelming moment is enough to shift how you meet it.

2. Stop measuring this moment against the last one. Not your previous birth experience. Not the meeting that went sideways. Not the version of yourself from before you had a life change. That was then. The only thing asking for your presence is right here, right now.

3. Acknowledge what's heavy without letting it park there permanently. Feel it. Name it. And then consciously return your attention to what's actually in front of you.

Practice this now, before any pressure arrives. Not when there’s a crisis. Because staying present is a practice you build in the quiet moments so it's available in the loud ones.

From my desk to yours,

Dr. Michelle El Khoury

P.S. If you're looking for somewhere to start, get my free email series 5 Days to Greater Presence and receive short, science-backed practices each day, designed for real life, not perfect conditions. Five minutes. No experience needed. Just a small daily commitment to choosing how you show up.